Check my other website for Matt's pictures and video from his triathlon today
The Allen's Library
http://theallenlibrary.com/?p=143
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Mae at the Park
I had such a fun time with Mae and Britt at the park today. She was so happy to see all the kids running around. Here are the highlights
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Help me! Funny People Needed!
"Help me! Funny People Needed!"
Seeking funny person/persons to
help an assaulted dental hygienist.
Awesome joke needed ASAP.
Reply on blog. Cupcakes to winner.
Road Cyclist need not apply.
I'm in an infuriating endless cycle of one joke.
One joke. Over and over and over.
And each person thinks they are so stinkin funny and original. It would help if everyone else didn't laugh at them...
And then after the laughing dies down they look at me for a rebuttal and I just yell "You're stupid! Maybe you should brush you teeth! Come here I'll clean them *Enter evil laugh and Stitch hands clawing at the air*)"...
So it doesn't go well and I need help.
I need a reply so witty and clever that everyone laughs with me, shaking their heads at the other person for being such a ridiculous idiot for ever having said the joke to begin with.
No pressure or anything.
Ok so here are the details of "The Joke"
I have just been introduced to a new person/group of people.
I say my name and when asked my profession I reply that I am a dental hygienist.
Then one smart donkey says "Why is it that the dentist always tell you not to poke your teeth with sharp things when that's the first thing they do? Then they tell you your gums are bleeding. No duh you just poked me with that sharp thing."
*Enter everyone but me laughing*
This makes me so angry at it's inaccuracy! I just want to yell at them "FLOSS YOUR FRICKIN TEETH!! THEN THEY WON'T BLEED AND P.S. I CAN SMELL YOUR GINGIVITIS FROM A MILE AWAY!"
But that is not tactful in dignified society. And it doesn't make me very many friends.
So you see my conundrum. I need a response. Otherwise they think they are right! I need a zinging one-liner that leaves them with their jaw hanging open at my cleverness but they don't really understand how mean it really was.
And by the way, how does everyone know this joke and everyone not know it? I mean I have heard this joke so so so many times. And each time the audience has never heard it and laughs at the original cleverness! How can this be?!
Your assignment should you choose to accept it:
Create a reply to this:
"Why is it that the dentist always tell you not to poke your teeth with sharp things when that's the first thing they do? Then they tell you your gums are bleeding. No duh you just poked me with that sharp thing."
Please help the poor invalid who listened to Jane Eyre in the dark last night on Netflix with the screen facing the sheets because the light blinded her sensitive migraine pupils. Think of the children. Think of Christmas. Think of your birthday.
Seeking funny person/persons to
help an assaulted dental hygienist.
Awesome joke needed ASAP.
Reply on blog. Cupcakes to winner.
Road Cyclist need not apply.
I'm in an infuriating endless cycle of one joke.
One joke. Over and over and over.
And each person thinks they are so stinkin funny and original. It would help if everyone else didn't laugh at them...
And then after the laughing dies down they look at me for a rebuttal and I just yell "You're stupid! Maybe you should brush you teeth! Come here I'll clean them *Enter evil laugh and Stitch hands clawing at the air*)"...
So it doesn't go well and I need help.
I need a reply so witty and clever that everyone laughs with me, shaking their heads at the other person for being such a ridiculous idiot for ever having said the joke to begin with.
No pressure or anything.
Ok so here are the details of "The Joke"
I have just been introduced to a new person/group of people.
I say my name and when asked my profession I reply that I am a dental hygienist.
Then one smart donkey says "Why is it that the dentist always tell you not to poke your teeth with sharp things when that's the first thing they do? Then they tell you your gums are bleeding. No duh you just poked me with that sharp thing."
*Enter everyone but me laughing*
This makes me so angry at it's inaccuracy! I just want to yell at them "FLOSS YOUR FRICKIN TEETH!! THEN THEY WON'T BLEED AND P.S. I CAN SMELL YOUR GINGIVITIS FROM A MILE AWAY!"
But that is not tactful in dignified society. And it doesn't make me very many friends.
So you see my conundrum. I need a response. Otherwise they think they are right! I need a zinging one-liner that leaves them with their jaw hanging open at my cleverness but they don't really understand how mean it really was.
And by the way, how does everyone know this joke and everyone not know it? I mean I have heard this joke so so so many times. And each time the audience has never heard it and laughs at the original cleverness! How can this be?!
Your assignment should you choose to accept it:
Create a reply to this:
"Why is it that the dentist always tell you not to poke your teeth with sharp things when that's the first thing they do? Then they tell you your gums are bleeding. No duh you just poked me with that sharp thing."
Please help the poor invalid who listened to Jane Eyre in the dark last night on Netflix with the screen facing the sheets because the light blinded her sensitive migraine pupils. Think of the children. Think of Christmas. Think of your birthday.
Friday, September 2, 2011
I had to keep pausing because I couldn't stop laughing and I really wished I had someone's arm to shake in excitement.
| Lisa Frank | UCBcomedy.com |
| Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com | |
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