They're Back....

**Enter creepy music**
It comes in the night...
Knocking things over and moaning in pain
There is one thing it wants
And one thing it always gets
If you are lucky, you'll be asleep
But in the morning you'll find proof it was there...

Du Du Dum... Return of the Half Eaten Pudding Cup Monster

You are perplexed. It is only natural when confronted with an abomination such a this
You wonder :Why does it eat only a few bites and leave the remnants strewn about the house?
a. Is the pudding bad?-----------No it's delicious chocolate pudding
b. Is the monster trying to share?--------No because the pudding goes bad laying "strewn about the house"
c.Is it a booby trap laid for other monsters? If the other half drugged? No and No. There are no other monster indigenous to this region.

Does the monster ever come out in the day?
a. Sometimes but its extremely rare

Alright it's time you knew before you discovered it on your own...
I'm the Half Eaten Pudding Cup Monster. :(
"Why?" You ask wailing and clutching your heart.
A million reasons but one at a time

I eat pudding when I'm having a very bad migraine.


Not enough? Gosh who are you the question police?
I eat pudding because I'm so nauseous from the pain I can't stand and I need to eat something when I take my serious pain pill to make it stop.
There.

Why pudding? Why at night? There are like a million things you could eat instead. Pudding involves all the hassle of a spoon.
a. That was two questions. You, cheater.
b. Pudding can successful be eaten with my eyes closed.
c. Pudding is dense enough that I can eat it in the reclined position with my eye mask on.
d. My years of dental hygienist-ing have given me excellent hand eye coordination so I am mostly successful.

Why only half?
a. Because I'm super nauseous and I can only choke down half.

Matt is extremely tolerant of the Half Eaten Pudding Cup Monster. It helps he doesn't have a great love of pudding and has a great love of staying alive.

I had hoped to never transform into this monster again...
But I've been in a bad spell since Sunday. I feel like I'm living on a hairpin. Stray but a little...
So keep your pudding cups close... You've been warned.
But I've now got a membership at Massage Envy (That will be my magic. I'm sure of it) We won't discuss how much this magic costs...

Another fun Friday

Here are the pics from my Friday with Mae & Britt

She LOVES the Disney Princess Wand! Of course. She also loves eating grass & cell phones.

Happy things!

Hey look at me, I'm posting a blog about good days. Yeah. (It probably won't be funny, so don't get excited)
Ok first pictures. You probably remember. September 25th, 2011. You don't remember?
Double Rainbows!!!!!!!



Did you get that? Two rainbows!! Look closely. I was amazed. That goes up on my list of favorite days. It's before finishing my halloween costume but definitely behind seeing Sheila on the cruise.

Second set of pictures. Matt & I went uptown for our pre-anniversary-let's-get-away-so-we-dont'-kill-everyone trip. We traversed the uptown bridges like nobody's business. Ok Matt is looking at me. I'll be honest. So we went back and forth like a million times over the weekend but everytime we were at a crossroads I would make the wrong choice and stubbornly not be moved by Matt's gentle nudges. If I was dropped off in there by myself I would totally be killed my a janitor because I couldn't find my way outside. But here are the happy moments: The rainbow hallway! Are you sensing a theme on what makes me happy?




Matt's happy skip.


Later we went to Crave:A dessert bar. Super Cool!! Ok so funny story. I don't really carry a purse when we are on vacation because it's a pain. So I left my purse/I.D. in the hotel room. We get to the bar and the bouncer is like "I need to see I.D.s. No one under 21 on Saturdays. (Preface: I don't do well with confrontation. That was an understatement)
So I squeak out. "I don't have an I.D. on me."
Matt says "She's my wife." Like hello stupid bouncer let us in before I have go to all "Megan's White Knight" on you.
Bouncer says "How old are you?"
Again I squeak out "23. My birthday is april 28th 1988." See I'm really 23! Let me eat desserts. Oh never mind I just want to go home.
Well he let us in apparently he realized what an awful liar I'd be and that I must be telling the truth.
So I get an awesome creme brulee with orange sorbet.
Matt then precedes to get the only thing on the menu that comes with it's own fire... S'mores


I was concerned.

So Today: I had a level 1-3 day and what do I waste it on? Working out. I'm so stupid. I should have done something awesome like horseback riding or kitten rescuing or make dinner. But I can feel my temples starting to pulse so it doesn't seem like it will last... Think of rainbows.

Then End.

Matt's Triathlon!!!

Check my other website for Matt's pictures and video from his triathlon today

The Allen's Library
http://theallenlibrary.com/?p=143

Mae at the Park

I had such a fun time with Mae and Britt at the park today. She was so happy to see all the kids running around. Here are the highlights

Help me! Funny People Needed!

"Help me! Funny People Needed!"
Seeking funny person/persons to
help an assaulted dental hygienist.
Awesome joke needed ASAP.
Reply on blog. Cupcakes to winner.
Road Cyclist need not apply.


I'm in an infuriating endless cycle of one joke.
One joke. Over and over and over.
And each person thinks they are so stinkin funny and original. It would help if everyone else didn't laugh at them...
And then after the laughing dies down they look at me for a rebuttal and I just yell "You're stupid! Maybe you should brush you teeth! Come here I'll clean them *Enter evil laugh and Stitch hands clawing at the air*)"...
So it doesn't go well and I need help.
I need a reply so witty and clever that everyone laughs with me, shaking their heads at the other person for being such a ridiculous idiot for ever having said the joke to begin with.
No pressure or anything.

Ok so here are the details of "The Joke"

I have just been introduced to a new person/group of people.
I say my name and when asked my profession I reply that I am a dental hygienist.
Then one smart donkey says "Why is it that the dentist always tell you not to poke your teeth with sharp things when that's the first thing they do? Then they tell you your gums are bleeding. No duh you just poked me with that sharp thing."
*Enter everyone but me laughing*
This makes me so angry at it's inaccuracy! I just want to yell at them "FLOSS YOUR FRICKIN TEETH!! THEN THEY WON'T BLEED AND P.S. I CAN SMELL YOUR GINGIVITIS FROM A MILE AWAY!"
But that is not tactful in dignified society. And it doesn't make me very many friends.
So you see my conundrum. I need a response. Otherwise they think they are right! I need a zinging one-liner that leaves them with their jaw hanging open at my cleverness but they don't really understand how mean it really was.
And by the way, how does everyone know this joke and everyone not know it? I mean I have heard this joke so so so many times. And each time the audience has never heard it and laughs at the original cleverness! How can this be?!

Your assignment should you choose to accept it:
Create a reply to this:
"Why is it that the dentist always tell you not to poke your teeth with sharp things when that's the first thing they do? Then they tell you your gums are bleeding. No duh you just poked me with that sharp thing."

Please help the poor invalid who listened to Jane Eyre in the dark last night on Netflix with the screen facing the sheets because the light blinded her sensitive migraine pupils. Think of the children. Think of Christmas. Think of your birthday.

I had to keep pausing because I couldn't stop laughing and I really wished I had someone's arm to shake in excitement.

Lisa Frank	UCBcomedy.com
Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com