Books I have read recently

  • Shirley by Charlotte Bronte — I'm reading a giant biography of the Brontes "Wild Genius on the Moors" By Juliet Barker (amazing!! but I'll post on that when I finish) So I'm reading each novel as it's discussed in the book. I loved Shirley. I have to agree with the critics that it is a slow painful start and it does take about 150 pages till we meet the title character Shirley. But besides that, it is so well written. Caroline Helstone’s angst is beautiful and poignant. And knowing that the last third of the book was written after Emily & Anne died explains so much about the change in the book. Charlotte likes to fix her world by writing about it and in her version the sick heroine recovers where her sisters did not. I definitely recommend Shirley for the Bronte fan. Don’t skip it.
  • A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas --- It took me a couple chapters to really dive in but after that I was in love. I had read somewhere that it was based on Beauty & the Beast, which is great. What I did not know is that it is a retelling of one of my favorite fairytales: East of the Sun, West of the Moon!!! What a treat when I discovered that. I love that story. It's whimsical and the girl saves the day which I love love love. Sarah does a beautiful job of it and I can't wait for the next one!!
  • Miss Buncle’s Book by D. E. Stevenson —What a little treat. My mom gave these books to me for my birthday and there are so much fun. It’s a light easy read and it made me chuckle.
  • Shadow Study by Maria V. Snyder— I adore her soul finder books. I’ve been reading them for years. She builds beautiful strong women and sweeping romance. Her magic system is unique and I want to live in her world.
  • The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr and E. B. White — A must read for every writer. Thanks to Stephen King for the recommendation. It has all those little things that I had questions about and answered them quickly and succinctly. It’s not the funnest read but it’s helpful.
  • Click of Titles to go to the book's Amazon page

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Tea Party for Two

The first cup moistens my lips and throat.
The second cup breaks my loneliness.
The third cup searches my barren entrail but to find therein some thousand volumes of odd ideographs.
The fourth cup raises a slight perspiration - all the wrongs of life pass out through my pores.
At the fifth cup I am purified.
The sixth cup calls me to the realms of the immortals.
The seventh cup makes us dance on the tips of our toes
The eighth cup elicits a fit of giggles
The ninth cup unites the tea experience and prepares me for a deep slumber
The ten, alas I can take no more.

-Brittnee Lynch & Megan Gillming

Sunday, December 23, 2007

What else is there left to do?

I have finally beaten Kingdom Hearts II.... Spent a good bit of my life on it. Wow is right. Words can't quite express it. Yes, I'm a dork. But it really was the greatest game ever. (sorry Matt it was better then Zelda) Let me recap my journey.

The end. I am the champion.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

"Something to this Curse"

The dramatic epic

Narrated by: Cordelia

Chapter One: Introduction
You may have once imagined what your last thoughts would be before the end of the world and Megan was surprised remembering on reflection that the last words she thought were " But who was that woman?" For all her certainty that the end of the world was surely coming that day , she could not help but feel a little surprise that it did come after all. When the time came she was not sure if she expected herself to be brave or weak for at the exact moment the world ended she felt neither. This may not sound like the end of the world to you but it was as close as Megan had known. But I am jumping ahead of myself. Let me go to the night before the end of the world.

Chapter Two: Twas the night before
The day began as any other. Dear Megan struggled though another day in dental hygiene school but relaxed as she finally reached home. She had many things to do that night and time seemed to slip away until she realized it was nearly 6 o’clock, time to confirm the appointment for her patient the next day. She was not altogether shocked when the phone was not picked up right away but she was a little unnerved. She just made a mental note to call again in a few hours. But before I tell if she ever gets in contact with the patient that night, I should explain Megan’s current position. It is nearly time for Christmas break as she wraps up the semester and everything is lined up ever so nicely. She has one appointment left with each of her patients and then she will pass the semester. So it is rather important for these last two patients to show up (hence Megan’s feeling of being slightly unnerved.) As the night wore one she was unable to contact her Honduran patient and Megan became more than unnerved. This particular patient will not come unless she is called and reminded/ persuaded. The severity of the situation seemed to hit Megan all at once. If this patient did not arrive she would not pass this semester (actually more accurately she would pass the semester on a temporary arrangement). If this patient did not come she would receive an incomplete for the semester and would have 3 chances in the spring semester to redeem herself. This may not sound such a terrible alternative but then you could not possibly understand dental hygiene school, and could not understand why Megan suddenly broke into tears in the middle of a homework assignment.

Chapter three: At peace with the world
The weight of the world seemed so heavy on her little shoulders. Her body shook as tears steamed down her face and she fought for breath. If you have not sobbed recently, I mean heart-wrenching sobbed, then you probably believe that a single tear rolls down your face as it contorts into a frown/snarl. This is half way true. The snarl I believe is always present in a good sob but her eyes sprouted tears like a river delta, tear tracing lining her face everywhere. They tears were so warm on her face, but her heart was breaking within her. She did not stop for some time but held her hand over her mouth to keep others from overhearing. But broken sobs escaped her lips as she half hoped to be caught when she was in such despair. Why such a dramatic response you may wonder. But I must consent she can be a bit dramatic at time but this this even dramatic for her. Megan felt as though she was failing, as though she was incompetent. She was brought back to some the worst moment of her life: being an alternate in the dental hygiene program and failing her practice thus disappointing a women she greatly respected and admired. It is a great shame to be incomplete. You are looked on with such pity and contempt. To know that so many others are fine while your continuation in the program hangs so precariously on the compliance of another. But again I am getting ahead of myself, Megan does not know if her patient will show or not. She finally calmed her breathing and decided that whatever was going to happen would be God’s will.** (whenever I have ** in the story this is a key point to get). This acceptance is a huge jump for Megan, if only you knew. When she failed her practical she was very angry with God for letting her fail. Is he not all powerful? Did he not know how deeply that would hurt her? Did all the prayers prayed on her behalf mean nothing? Unfortunately these were the thoughts are heroine had at that time, but the key is that she did not have them this time so we cannot judge her too harshly. So having resolved herself to trusting that her Beloved would do the right thing, all the while knowing that He could just as easily choose to fail her, she searched for a prayer warrior to beseech her God on her behalf. So she knocked on the door to her sister, Brittany’s room. Brittany was currently on the phone with her boyfriend but as always was quick to give her sister attention. Megan fell on her sister as she explained the situation to the ceiling. Her sister gave her a pat on the head and said that she most surely would pray for her. Her parents came in that night, sensing a distressed child in the air and she explained the situation to the ceiling again. They tried to make plans and assure her that all will be well, Bless their hearts. But Megan’s heart was already breaking and no words could comfort her until tomorrow would arrive and her fate revealed. Megan then decided to ask the Lord herself. I was able to sneak the journal entry of that night. Read with respect please.
The world is closing around me and I can barely breathe! I can’t stop crying. What if she doesn’t come? Please don’t punish me. Forgive me. I can’t even sob. Please Please le her come. Let her remember I need this, really need it. I am humbled.
Help me to accept whatever is coming tomorrow.”

Chapter four: Additional Thanks
I forgot to add in the previous chapter that Megan called her boyfriend, Matt, to alert him to the situation. He was a boy, though could not help but to try to plan with her as well as her parents did. She may have been a little short with him but she just needed a hug and all he could give was words. He is not to be blamed for her discontentment in the least. She bid him goodnight as he assured her of his expected success for her upcoming big day. She shared her plan with one last soul that evening, Jenn Marie. Such a kindred spirit if ever Megan had one. Jenn Marie had no “magic, perfect” words but that in itself was perfect. The best thing she said all night was “ I understand.” How happy Megan was to find a soul that truly understood, did not try to make light of the situation and did not pity her, but stood on equal ground to face the obstacle. Megan asked that I put a special thanks to Jenn Marie in the story and everyone else who listened to Megan’s soul that evening.

Chapter five: Only this morning could follow last night
Megan was awaked by a text message at 8:45, take in mind that morning clinic starts at 8 o’clock. Thankfully, Megan’s important patient was scheduled at 1 o’clock and she had no morning patient. But that is an unnerving way to wake up none the less. Even though Megan had no morning patient, she wanted to go to school to do some charts and stuff. So she rushed to get ready, throwing her hair up in a ponytail (which looked remarkably well).She put on her scrubs and makeup** but Megan did not put on any mascara. To the watchful eye this action could be taken as a sign of lack of faith. Confused? Let me explain. Megan did not put mascara on that morning full expecting to be crying that day, but should Megan not have kept up faith that God would redeemed her and send her patient? Maybe but the facts are she did not put on mascara that morning. She called her patient like a stalker, every hour or so, trying to catch her before 1 o’clock. As the day dragged on there was not word. Lunchtime came and Megan joined her dear friend Leela for lunch and a Coke. This remarkably lifted her spirits ( as indulging in one’s addictions will do). As 1’oclock came and went Megan decided to call her patient from a friend’s phone. A woman answers (did I mention that the patient was from Honduras and speaks mediocre English). This woman who answers the phone speaks English like a white woman.
“Hello this is Megan from … dental clinic is this…?”
“Is she home?”
“She had a dental appointment today”
“Is there any way I can get a hold of her?”
“No, she is unreachable”
“Oh, okay, have a good day.”

Chapter 6: End of the world begin
Megan walked back inside the waiting room (she had taken the call outside). She glanced around fully expecting to notice some change now that the world was over. But everyone seemed to carry on as usual. She checked the corners and roof of the room looking for cracks. For surely the outer world should show some signs of brokenness like her heart. But no, all was as it was. For a moment Megan entertained the idea of pretending that the world had not ended, that nothing had happened. Clearly no one could tell from the external that she was breaking. But they would have to find out eventually. Megan handed Leela’s phone back and shook her head “She’s not coming” Leela only looked at her with eyes of a kindred spirit, knowing that no words could help and that Megan was not looking for anything but the sympathy that is passed between eyes. Before I continue I should explain that Megan’s instructor for that day was Mrs. Clark. A more kind, lovely mother hen could not be asked for from a group of dental hygiene students. She is always just but cares so much for each students and wishes them only the best. Megan knew that the first thing she must do was find Mrs. Clark. Thankfully Mrs. Clark was in her office and not in clinic. (Secretly in her heart Megan was glad that she was not one of those girls who frequently cried in clinic) She found Mrs. Clark and said
“I was just looking for you”
“Oh are you mine? Is your patient here?”
“Yes, I was going to have Difficult but she.. isn’t.. coming”
“Did you need her”
Megan barely managed a nod before her lips betrayed her and began to quiver. She rose her hand to cover the weakness. But Mrs. Clark, having encountered such situations many times before simply brought Megan into a hug. Megan tried to stop the sobs but being under Mrs. Clark’s wing seemed to empty her of reserve. The whole time this was going one she kept saying “It’ going to be ok. You’ll be alright.” Megan finally pulled back trying to muster up some dignity. Mrs. Clark then asked some question Megan could not recall afterwards and they began to form a plan. Megan tried to stop crying and rose her hand to cover her traitorous frown. Megan then nodded as they departed to check screening to see if any new patients has arrive that Megan might be able to start. But before Megan returned to clinic she went to the ladies room. Megan was now glad that she did not wear mascara that morning. Her eyes began to water again as she remembered the situation but she took a couple deep breathes. Megan then wiped her eyes with a paper towel and ** began the process of turn her frown into a smile. Oh how tired that smile must be. How often it is forced out when there is not happiness in Megan’s heart.

Chapter Seven: To face the world and not belong
Megan reentered clinic, the tracks of her tears not hidden half so well as she would like. She went to screening to she if any prospective patients had arrived who would be will to stay for a cleaning. As Megan approached the girl who was doing screening, dear Holly, she said
“Is there anyone being screened today?”
“Why do you need someone?”
Megan’s lips quivered again as she whispered “yes” but she was certain tears would not betray her again. Holly nodded, ignoring the moment of weakness. Megan decided that leave clinic emotionally and harden her heart to whatever came of that cursed day. The screened patient turned out to be a Difficult who needed x-rays. This sunk Megan’s heart lower is such a thing was possible. Megan’s x-ray average was a precarious 86% just passing. She took the x-rays with the help of Mrs. Clark who was as eager as Megan for success. Megan began scaling and thankfully the tartar came off easily. She only cleaned 4 teeth though. She would be incomplete. Mrs. Clark appeared to noticed Megan’s icy demeanor but she could not open herself up to feelings at the moment but tried to convey to Mrs. Clark her gratitude for all her help and understanding. Megan did a great job on x-rays and cleaned the 4 teeth she had time for immaculately. Mrs. Clark expressed several times how well Megan did that day. But she had checked out of clinic long ago and passed as through a daze. She cleaned her unit and those around her were kind enough to let her be if they did know the full situation.

Chapter Eight: On the long drive home
Megan noticed that she had missed many calls from her concerned family but a key thing to understand about Megan is that the more she is hurting the less she wants to talk and the more she wants to retreat. The more Megan is hurt the more she wants to be alone. So she told her family that her patient did not show and that she was on her way. She conveyed the same message to Matt who was so wonderful and told her to call later if she wanted to talk. He was sensitive to her directing of the conversation and did not push while she was in such a tender place. She drove home in the depths of despair only able to relieve her burdened soul with tears every so often. But oh who can understand the depths of her broken heart. Those in clinic who had overheard the situation looked at her with pity and Megan hated pity and in their eyes she read the thoughts “ Thanks God that’s not me”. Megan did not despise them for their feelings for had she not felt that way when others before her had been incomplete? Megan came home ate dinner and shared little with her family who did not pry understanding the depths of her pain. She would have loved to curl into bed and go to sleep but as always there is work to be done and if Megan is anything she is responsible. So she finally went to bed around midnight empty and heartbroken.

Chapter Nine: Are you okay?
That question. Megan could not answer it honestly. Not she is not okay, not she is not fine. A night of sleep has not changed anything, it has only had time to sink in and become real. So Thursday began and ended with nothing to report, but Megan is not yet “fine” or “O.K.” She only hopes that over Christmas she will have time to become so. And this is where I leave you faithful reader who has read this epic. I named it so on purpose to warn you. But I hope it was entertaining and broken up enough. I bid you goodnight, and ask forgiveness. Megan does not mean to be rude or try to push you away. She is only coping in the best way she knows. But even now rare moment make her laugh and she almost feels a traitor to the mourning she is supposed to be doing. But writing this epic has helped her to face it and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Chapter Ten: The Curse of the President
So there is is this curse. every class president has failed the program. At least for the past 4 years. For real

Chapter Eleven : The happy part
It is so like me to leave out the best part of the story. The patient Megan screened agreed to come back in January for her first 3 appointments. I don't feel so down today. It helped me to write it all out, and it turned out to be such a grand story I think.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

i feel like Lilo

Scene from Lilo and Stitch:
Lilo has just had a very had day (failed at dancing, doll got made fun of, bit a mean girl...). Goes home, makes voodoo dolls and lays on the floor listening to Elvis.

Me laying flat on the floor with my computer at my feet listening to Keane with my eyes closed. I can confess I didn't have a bad day like Lilo but the similarity struck me as amusing as I lay there.

Friday, October 5, 2007

How do people make it through life without a sister? ~Sara Corpening

How indeed do people make it through like without a sister. i miss mine so keenly tonight i can hardly breathe. I pray that she is safe, that she is happy, that no harm befalls her beautiful head. I am starting to tear up at the thought of her name: Brittany. I started keeping a "Rori" box for Britt. In "Gilmore Girls" there was an awful spell when Lorelai and Rori weren't speaking. So everytime there was something Lorelai wanted to tell Rori she wrote it down and put it in a box so she would remember to tell her when things we well again. I just miss my sister. I know without a doubt she is where she needs to be but there is a whisper in my soul that doesn't care and just want her here to tell me I am sitting to close to Matt or that I am driving too fast. November 10th

Enjoy these lovely sister quotes

You can kid the world. But not your sister. ~Charlotte Gray

What's the good of news if you haven't a sister to share it? ~Jenny DeVries

If your sister is in a tearing hurry to go out and cannot catch your eye, she's wearing your best sweater. ~Pam Brown

There can be no situation in life in which the conversation of my dear sister will not administer some comfort to me. ~Mary Montagu

Sisters don't need words. They have perfected a language of snarls and smiles and frowns and winks - expressions of shocked surprise and incredulity and disbelief. Sniffs and snorts and gasps and sighs - that can undermine any tale you're telling. ~Pam Brown

Thursday, October 4, 2007

I may come to regret this...

So for those of you who don't know... on October 5th, Matt and I will have been dating for 5 years!! So in celebration i am traveling to MCO (Orlando). I decided that I needed a new dress for such an occasion. I almost bought these teal high heel pointed shoes that perfecting matched the teal in my dress but alas they did not have my ( to my mother's great relief). So i bought some black ones (to my mother's anxiousness). I felt oh so stylist and glam but I'll keep you updated if I break my ankle the first 5 mins. I hope I don't come to regret this, but oh I feel so much like Rori

Below is a near replica of my shoes

Sunday, September 23, 2007

a lone mushroom

So I'm sitting at the dinner table when a beam of sunlight dances on the lawn. Share the moment with me...

Sunday, September 2, 2007

I wanted it to be you part 2

So it was already late and there is no school tomorrow after all... I grabbed my blanket and a movie to burrow into the bonus room and just be. I needed a good cry, a good sappy movie that would allow me to empty everything. I put on you've got mail. I always cry when she talks about her store closing. She says " Soon we'll just be a memory. In fact, someone, some foolish person will probably think it's a tribute to this city, the way it keeps changing on you, the way you can never count on it, or something. I know, because that's the sort of thing I'm always saying. But the truth is, I'm heartbroken. I feel as if part of me has died, and my mother has died all over again, and no one can ever make it right. " Sigh one of my favorite movies. Another good part is her email to him after he doesn't show. oh I always love a good tragedy unless it is me. They are such terrible things to endure. Even the smallest heartache makes you never want to love or trust someone again. To never let yourself be that open. But I was not born to be a pessimist. I may pretend I am sometimes, but then if I took enough sociology classes I might turn into a feminist. Well enough. I don't know why I allow myself to listen to dashboard confessionals and watch chick flicks, but honestly there is something just good for the soul.
Good night sweet void.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Which Disney Princess Are You?

So i sent Jenn this link for a quiz that tells you which Disney Princess you are. She was Jasmine... poor thing. She is not really Jasmine in real life though.
But I was

Thoughtful and loving. Authority figures probably have been sheltering you all of your life. Thankfully you're a very tranquil person who is content with what life has given you, but secretly you want to know how the outside world works.

I was hoping for Belle but I'm happy with Briar Rose.

Here is the link if you dare find out who you are...

Friday, July 13, 2007

I wanted it to be you

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I live a small life, well valuable but small. Sometimes I wonder, "do I do it because I like it or because i haven't been brave?" So much of what I see reminds me of something I've read in a book when shouldn't it be the other way around. I don't really want an awnser. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void.
So goodnight dear void."
-"You've Got Mail"

"So what do you do for fun?"

So i am doing some charts Thursday after clinic. I'm sitting with this girl. We are making small talk when suddenly she looks over with great curiosity and pity? and asks "So what do you do for fun?". I am a little put off by the personal question suddenly thrust upon me. She is a very outgoing girl who enjoys ... different activities than me. She lives with her boyfriend and they are "practically married" but she is not yet 21. So I know that if I answer truthfully she will think me the most pathetic thing she has seen. So instead of saying " oh I really love to read. There are few things I enjoy more than watching Cinderella 3 and maybe running on the treadmill as i watch if I am feeling especially reckless. I don't really have a plethora of friends in Charlotte so I may study and have tea with Jenn" but instead I tried to think of the most exciting thing I do... took me a second. Okay everyone thinks Florida is cool so I say " Yeah I go down to Florida once a month to see my boyfriend and friends. We got to the beach and stuff around." Man it sounds lame just reading it. Thankfully right at that moment there was a distraction and the topic was forgotten. I'm sorry I don't party or drink. So most of my crazy moments involve Crook or CCDM. By the way there was a raccoon the size of a large beagle in the garage tonight. Don't worry Crook and H saved the day. Ok so that's my story.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Courtly Love

So i am doing this project for my *British* Literature Class. I have this questions that asks me to compare shakespearian love to courtly love. anyways when I wikipedia-ed courtly love it gave me this lovely formula. You are not really in love if they follow have not happened.

Stages of courtly love
1. Attraction to the lady, usually via eyes/glance
2. Worship of the lady from afar
3. Declaration of passionate devotion
4. Virtuous rejection by the lady
5. Renewed wooing with oaths of virtue and eternal fealty
6. Moans of approaching death from unsatisfied desire (and other physical manifestations of lovesickness)
7. Heroic deeds of valor which win the lady's heart
8. Consummation of the secret love
9. Endless adventures and subterfuges avoiding detection

(Adapted from Barbara Tuchman[13])

Isn't this priceless. I'm sure at least T will enjoy this. It sounds like something we would make up.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Weddings are wewhered

I have been to a couple weddings lately and they leave me with a odd taste. It is difficult to explain if you don't feel it. I do not want to be married tomorrow but I want to be in that place in time tomorrow. Confusing? Basically I want to get in a time machine and have my wedding be now. This is going to sounds terrible but I almost don't want anyone to get marrried until I do. It's only fair, right? Shouldn't everyone have to have a long term/ long distance relationship before thet are ready to get married. It's only fair that everyone else should have such a epic struggle/ battle to keep love alive as we have had. I know it's not but some couples just seem to have it so easy. But this is me being dramatic and silly. I am so happy for my dear friends who have been recently wed. I wish them more happiness that they can imagine. I do not wish time to hurry. As contradictory as this sounds, I am not ready to be married. I have not started planning a wedding and I will not for some time. I do want to be done with school though. I know when that day comes it will be with perfect timing. Just some rambling from a girl.

P.S. The title of te blog is said in a Homestar Runner voice "weddings are weird".

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Ah to be complete

As I scan the table all too aware of the pieces that are missing, one finally catches my eye. I place it in and it fits so perfectly. For a moment I smile but as i lean back to admire my work, I realize that getting one piece in made me so aware of the 200 other piece that are yet to be placed/found. The joy is sucked out immediately and I soon forget I found a piece at all. I wish I could enjoy the small successes for just a little while longer. Long enough for a smile to fully form. Maybe next week. But you know what does make me happy?
Matthew James Allen
My sister, my joy
chocolate ice cream/gelato (both in one day)
Clean laundry
and last but certainly not least my dearest, most beloved, world traveling N'yder. How I love her. No one knows my soul like she. But will she forgive me?

Saturday, June 16, 2007

on a somber note

When my mother was little she named her grandmother Mema, and now all 6 great grandchildren call her Mema as well ( as long a few other kids that have come and gone.) She is a fragile thing but so full of life and vitality that nothing stops her from doing (and saying) whatever she wants. She is an artist, really. She uses every medium, including on past occasion Mel Gibson's face. Why am i posting about her? She is sick. In the hospital at the moment. This is not the first time but this is the most serious in a chain of illness/pain. I have such great respect for my grandma ( Mindy). I know at time she must get tired of having to take care of her complaining invalid mother but she does it every day. She is so selfless. But despite Mindy's valiant efforts I fear Mema's end is in sight and that scares me a little. Did she ever know Jesus? Will I see her in heaven? I hope so. I hope there was a preacher who came to her house one day and told her abour our Lord. I hope that for a moment she prayed that prayer and meant it. But maybe I am being dramatic and she has many more years on this earth to collect cats and shoo away iguanas. Well enough sad thoughts back to studying.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

My life looks like this

Dental surgeon
Filling Floss
Root canal Smile
Tooth fairy

I even dream about cleaning teeth

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Mac and I are in love.
What else is there to say?
We stay up all night just to be together.
I always dread tucking him away for the night.
If Mac would take human form we might run away together.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

No makeup gray sweatpants

"Even in the darkest phase be it thick or thin, always someone marches brave here beneath my skin."
-- K. D. Lang

There are times when I feel out of place in this world. When things are passing by so fast and I am stalling out. But worse than this is when I am uncomfortable in myself. This may be crazy. I may be the only person who feels this. But moments come where I feel like I don't fit myself. I shrug my shoulders but I don't settle in better. I feel awkward and having lost all my grace, wonder where my place is in this world. It's just a passing phase. Maybe I'm having an identity crisis now that I have no school to consume me for a couple weeks. Hmm who knows. I feel a little bit like Sara when she said " perhaps Emily is more like me than I am like myself." Now I just wish I could find my Emily.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Where you lead, I will follow

I feel my very heart breaking within me...
I don't know what I expected. If I was honest I knew it wouldn't last. But oh I just want a little longer. I will be the first to admit it has been fading lately. The glimmer of laughter has left their eyes. But I never thought I would feel this loss or this emptiness. Jessica said she will have a mourining party with me where we will dress in black and talk really fast using inside jokes.

May 15th 8:00 p.m.

The last new Gilmore Girls episode to air ever.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

You complete me

How foolish I was to believe I had known love before I laid eyes on you.
What a child I was to think I had already known life's greatest pleasure.
How naive I was to think myself content without your presence in my life.
What a skeptic that I ever doubted love at first sight.

For you beloved, anything
You had my heart at "tea time"

I got my first tea pot today. I am a lady. You may call me Lady Madame President Megan. Would you like some tea?

Sunday, April 1, 2007



Saturday, March 31, 2007

Sugar and Spice and Everything that makes you want to cry

As the movie began, I thought I might like it better than I did the first time. The prospect of watching it again had tempted me before. So Britt and I suspended out Boggle game to watch Mean Girls. Perhaps one of the reasons I dislike the movie is because it is real. If you have never been a middle school girl you will not believe me when I say that that cruel world indeed exists. Although, true, it is no as glamorous but there is just as much drama. The movie is far too reminiscent of who I was and what I could have become. If you come to know me now you will ,hopefully, find me to be an average if not an overly studious young lady. So coming to this conclusion you are now bracing yourself for a sadly pathetic story of how I was gossiped about and maligned by the school "mean girls", how they have come to a rotten end, and how my uncool kindred spirits and I are well adjusted, rich, and happy. But most unfortunately that is not my tale. Since I was in 3rd grade i was part of the cool clique. Mind you that our class was small so the exclusion from this group was felt keenly. I don't know if I attract dramatic people or if I bring out that behavior in others but either way drama came. It seems silly now but it most surely felt like the end of the world when the other two girls of the clique uninvited me to their birthday parties. So along the line of growing up I learned to be cunning. My creativity always gave me a leg up in game playing and the specialty of creating a kingdom with room for few. I would make laptops and cell phone out of paper so we could call our favorites of the Hanson brothers. Then later in middle school I would create elaborate stories to keep our minds from the three fourths of a mile we still had to run in P.E. Weaving the tale of how we were witches and the bird on the field was the enchanted prince Henry, we took on the nicknames of Wendy, Casper, and Flora so that if our notes were ever intercepted our identities and secret crushes were safe. Now this all sounds lovely if not ideal but the story gets ugly.
This is when we (probably me, it stinks of my creation) coined to term "fish". This was an unfortunate, uncool girl who found our companionship something to be desired and decided to try and become our friend. We did not smile on those who tried to enter our secure trio. So we plotted. We made vicious plans on how to regain our freedom. I shake my head remembering how I loved the thrill of secrecy, how I felt that we were a secret organization, that we were generals preparing the assault. So these poor girls (yes girls plural) were victims in our usually cruel, always elaborate plans. Though as you can imagine, we rarely had the clean break we anticipated. My mind has protected me from most of the things I did but several still haunt my conscience. One occasion is more vivid that the others.
The current "fish" was Kara, an overweight girl who had grown up with Casper and Flora while I was fairly new to the school. One afternoon while descending from our third story band class we began to plan and gossip. One of us, I do not deny it could have been me, made some comment about Kara being fat and some other insult I can't remember. She was a little ways behind us coming down the stairs. I must have been in 6th or 7th grade. My companions and I were later taken from class and confronted on the accusation of saying mean things about Kara. The teacher who did the confronting was an English teacher I greatly respected. She asked me if these things we true and looking her in the eyes I lied... We explained she must have misheard us. That we would never say anything like that to her; we were friends. She believed our sugar story and we were saved from some still unknown horrible fate. Other moments stick out throughout time and thankfully I finally got the strength the break free of the group announcing to one of them that I hated who I was when I was with them and that we could no longer be friends. I proceeded then to live a mostly normal life having little drama with friends and recognizing the signs, would break off potentially harmful friendships before they were all consuming.

But at moments I look in the mirror or see my actions from the corner of my eye and I look too much like that girl with long bangs gelled to her temples. My personality type naturally drives me to the development of several close friends as apposed to always meeting new people and craving the large group. I love the comfort and security a couple best friends offer. So at school once I found this group of girls I noticed myself reluctant to allow the socially underdeveloped to join. One such individual is Julia, a girl from Ukraine. She speaks great English but does not understand how conversation flows and adds long, random story at awkward times during lunch. The other girls of my close-knit group do not care for her in the least but most of the time the Holy Spirit gives me a sound upset stomaching when I see her siting alone. Was it not just 6 months ago when i was alone and terrified about not knowing anyone? What right do I have to deny why I prayed for without ceasing the month preceding my first day of school? So if anyone reads this challenge me and hold me accountable to go out of my way to love this girl like Jesus does.
That is quite enough honesty for the time being. My memoir will be on the shelves in in 3-4 months once the editing is done, so if you enjoyed my soul barring be on the look out.

Tumble Dry

My family has learned to judge my stress level by the cleanliness of their clothes. Let me explain. When I am studying my brains out, I often need a break. I usually love to read but my eyes are fried from staring at textbooks so reading is out. This means that so is watching T.V. and the computer. My fingers are cramping so there will be no writing. But I have found solace. In doing laundry. Strange as it may seem I crave the break that comes every 45 mins with the changing of the loads. I also like to be productive. To conclude, all the clothing in the house is clean. This is promising to be one stressful week.

Friday, March 30, 2007

The end result

Matt is a lot like Harrison in at least one way: They are like Midas. Everything they touch turns to gold. Every project they attempt is met with such success that on many occasions those around actually gasp.

"You wrote that?"
"You made that goal with a broken foot?"
"You got 130% on your test?"
"You painted that?"
"You got a tip of how much?"
Each statement is then finished with something like "Amazing" and some thoughtful noises.
So it is not so hard to assume why at times i am reluctant to play games with either one. Even if you challenge them to Disney Scene It, they will win and make you want to cry with the unfairness of it all.
Why do I blog all this? Because Matt said I should use my paint and canvas (Christmas present) and paint something. I had to first stop looking at the amazing painting he gave me (so i didn't get too discouraged even before I started) and started painting. I'm not so embarrassed by the work so far. Mind you I have a lot more Friday nights to go, which is the only time of the week I can dedicate to my art. So I decided to share my progress with all of you.

Here is where I got my idea.

Here is what I have done so far
The only area that is fairly finished is the sky. Now imagine the castle right there in the light area. Now imagine purplely/blue clouds over the first layer of white. Also imagine the whole bottom area filled with little houses with yellow windows. Hmm this leaves a lot of the imagination. Looking at this picture now is slightly depressing but I've done all this blogging. To the untrained eye it may seem like handfuls of finger paint and to the trained its flaws must shout like a beacon. But it me it is quite all right and to my mother it puts Michelangelo's chapel to shame. I don't really care what anyone thinks as long as they don't comment on it's horror or genius.

So it is very late and I've got a lot of sleeping in to do tomorrow. Good night

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Lost from dawn to morning

Friday morning. 7:00 a.m. I meet seldom passersby. Everything is enchanted the whole ride to school. It is still dark outside but more like the dark of midnight than the dark of 8:00p.m. I feel like Emily just getting a glimpse behind the Veil. I notice everything that I do not notice on my same walk that takes place hours later and I notice nothing that I normally notice.
Every time I step out from the depths of the parking garage and meet the day for the first time, I am greeted with a European familiarity that sends me back to early mornings in London leaving the depths of the underground in a similar manner. My walk is not so brisk despite the chill in the ebbing darkness. Each Friday I am just as enthralled at this new world just for me as the first and may I never shake it. There is a moment on my walk to Micro that I waited for every week. It is a glimpse into something so beautiful, so ancient in my mind, that I am no longer in London but Ephesus.
I have heard of a building in the Charlotte skyline that is called the Colosseum. I can then only assume that if my building is indeed the one I think it is, it must have been named from the exact spot I admire it.
For just a moment the building and trees move and allow me a peak at her. I call it a "her" because in my mind I can not call that building the Colosseum. That is not grand enough for it. It is the Temple of Artemis. In that glimpse Julia is as real as I am and I can just see her out of the corner of my eye falling prey to Artemis's deception and bringing her best jewelry hoping for healing, hoping for forgiveness. I can see her dark hair and beautiful complection, read her thoughts as though she spoke then aloud. Reader, do you ever get just a taste of something or when straining your ears hear the echo of a sound? I do far too often for my sanity's sake. So often in fact that i stopped asking people if they saw the lights flicker or heard that thumping down the hall and just started accrediting it to my imagination . So it is very nice when someone else asks if anyone noticed the sinister footsteps coming from the hallways.
So I resume my walking and take one last look at the Temple all lit from within. Beckoning pilgrims to rest beneath her columns. I am brought back to central campus by a most unfortunate individual. This man or woman is bundled up ( I then remember how cold it is) and is blowing leaves off the steps. Every week he/she is there maybe every morning at 7:30. I give this person a nod to bid good morning. the building is gone from my mind as Microbiology begins.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

a bit of silliness really

If I waited and only posted clever, witty blogs , I would write about once a month. So here are some musings and pleasant surprises I have encountered today. I realised that I like sciences. I love my Micro class. Is that weird? I just get it. I love learning it and I'm excited about doing some sketches of the cell membranes of eukaryotes and prokaryotes tonight. I got to play dentist today. I took the capsule, put it in the amalgammastor ( no i didn't make up that word), then I took the amalgam and put it in a tooth. Amazing. The amalgam was like a little silver bullet. Then I shaped it with excellent ,real-life anatomy of a third molar, if I may say so myself. I got to make cements and concoctions, so it was like a pleasant Potions class. Then I stepped outside and experienced the bliss I meet everyday. The clinic is so hot and outside there is a strong gust of 40 degrees wind. I just stand there and breath the freshest oxygen of my life. Ahhh. Now I'm home and very surprisingly not stressed. It is a glorious day.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

What occupies my mind while you are drilling

"Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand it's own way. Love keeps no record of when it has been wronged. Love is not glad about injustice but rejoices when truth wins out. Love never gives up, is always hopeful, never looses faith, and will endure forever. Love is patient. Love is..."
Of all the things to think about these few sentences fill my head as I moan and to pray to Jesus. No other words exists in the universe for thirty minutes but those words over and over. But I welcome the words of comfort as they take me away from the here and now and the sharp scalpels passing before my eyes. All my other silly worries for the day were gone for good as a very nice oral surgeon cleaned out the infection from the hole where my mandibular left molar used to be (I got my wisdom teeth removed). It really wasn't that excruciating but it wasn't pleasant either. Just a reminder of how God helps me get these my mini-tragedies daily. Have a good night.