So I've been blessed with many super powers (Some call them spiritual gifts. "Some" meaning me)
1. Very fast letter stuffing and other clerical skills. (I usually beat Brittany)
2. Knitting with my eyes closed (I can thank my migraines for that one)
3. Ridiculous recall of every word from every Disney movie I've ever seen (Teresa tested me on this spiritual gift, not believing. Cody was a little concerned to hear singing/yelling of Disney songs coming from her Imagination Room)
4. Cat whisperer (Matt calls this a curse)
5. Super-Imagination example: The ability to scare myself with a story I just made up and was telling to other people. (I call this one a curse)
6. Boggle skills (but now I'm just bragging)
And my newest super power.
Earthquake detecting vertigo. Yeah! It's as unfun as it sounds.
So my migraines have taken a horrible new turn of events. (Tired of my migraine saga? too bad)
I now have crazy vertigo. What is this? Until yesterday I thought it was only something old people made up when they didn't want to be reclined in the dental chair. And I secretly thought they were lying and hated them for making me stand up to clean their teeth, thus hurting my back.
So Monday night I keep waking up/ dreaming that I'm super dizzy. I think I'm imagining it. (See super power #5) But trying get out of bed, I stand up & I fall down. The world is spinning. I stagger to the bathroom. Everything seems fine now... until I bend over. It looks like the world is in a washer. Everything is turning 45 degrees to the right like in a whirlpool. Upon righting my head everything is better. I think "I can do this. Who needs to bend over or look up or to the side or turn one's head quickly in any direction? Not me. I test it a couple times. Maybe it's gone now. I bend over and look at my feet. Yep I feel nauseous and want to throw up, still there.
So I go to work. 1. I am an overachiever and hate being late/ missing things. 2. I am terrified my boss will be mad if I miss work. So I go. This whole super dizzy thing continues all day. Often I have to grab something to keep from falling over until the world rights itself. But here comes the super power part. At about 1:50 we have an earthquake. Sooo scary! But really not a big deal.
So I start to put things together. Sudden severe dizziness + earthquake tremors = I can predict earthquakes with vertigo.
Don't try to follow the logic, clearly simple cause and effect addition is not one of your super powers.
Don't try and point out that this is the stupidest super power ever; I'm very aware of it. I mean so what, it's not like I could prevent an earthquake and even tell when it would come. But I'll try next time
"So hey, I'm mostly sure an earthquake is coming sometime in the next 12 hours, so just go ahead and evacuated everything."
No? Well you can't say I didn't warn you.
So I come home and feel so bad I can't even work on my Halloween costume (Yes I know Halloween is very far away but that's another blog post). I lay in the dark with an eye mask on. Matt comes home. Lights on. Hissing like a deep-sea fish... yadda yadda yadda you know the drill.
Then this morning. Guess what? It's back. Is this still leftovers from yesterday's earthquake prediction or is another one coming? We'll find out I guess but stay close to a door frame just in case. (I think that's what you are supposed to do ...)
I call my neurologist, who can't confirm or deny my prophetic abilities, and her nurse says "Oh it's just vertigo."
Me "..."
Her "..."
Me "Yeah so what do I do?"
Her "Umm I guess I can give you a prescription for motion sickness."
Me"...."
Her"..."
Me "But what causes it?"
Her "It's benign. nothing to worry about." **side note: does anyone else realize that is not an answer
Me "So this just happens sometimes"
Her "Yeah. It will probably go away. If not it could be because the ear stones have been misplaced in your ears."
** Yes that is a quote, who knew we had ear stones? and how do they get misplaced?
Her "If that's the case we can do a procedure to fix them."
Me "Ok so I'll use the prescription. Thank you?"
Yeah so we'll see. As of now the prescription is doing very little.
Has anyone seen my ear stones?
5 comments:
Oh, Honey! I wish I knew where your ear stones were, or better yet, where to buy new ones! How interesting that you were experiencing such severe vertigo!
I read your entire post aloud to Cody and we agree you are a phenomenal writer....we were entertained even though it was at your own expense..sorry!
Feel better!!! And come snuggle Jack Gray any time if that will help! Love ya!
Hope you and your ear stones feel better soon. Also, I had no idea that you clean some people's teeth standing up. I might have vertigo next time just to see how that works.
YOU MUST become a writer. I laughed out loud the whole time I read your last 2 blogs. I hate that you are not feeling well, but you are soooooo funny.
Your book could be called "Life with Migraines" with side effects of superpowers.
Mom
Jared, if you make me stand up I'll punch you in the face.
Mom, that's a great book title lol
T, I would love to snuggle Jack, I think that will cure me!!!!
Mom and I read it out loud and then Shawn and I read it out loud. You are funnier than hyperbole and a half without a doubt!! I'm supposed to be the funny one!!!!!!!!!!!! just kidding I bet harrison will post this on his blog and claim it as his own since he thinks he's the funniest. We'll have to have some sort of competition to decide once and for all. Keep posting
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