Books I have read recently

  • Shirley by Charlotte Bronte — I'm reading a giant biography of the Brontes "Wild Genius on the Moors" By Juliet Barker (amazing!! but I'll post on that when I finish) So I'm reading each novel as it's discussed in the book. I loved Shirley. I have to agree with the critics that it is a slow painful start and it does take about 150 pages till we meet the title character Shirley. But besides that, it is so well written. Caroline Helstone’s angst is beautiful and poignant. And knowing that the last third of the book was written after Emily & Anne died explains so much about the change in the book. Charlotte likes to fix her world by writing about it and in her version the sick heroine recovers where her sisters did not. I definitely recommend Shirley for the Bronte fan. Don’t skip it.
  • A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas --- It took me a couple chapters to really dive in but after that I was in love. I had read somewhere that it was based on Beauty & the Beast, which is great. What I did not know is that it is a retelling of one of my favorite fairytales: East of the Sun, West of the Moon!!! What a treat when I discovered that. I love that story. It's whimsical and the girl saves the day which I love love love. Sarah does a beautiful job of it and I can't wait for the next one!!
  • Miss Buncle’s Book by D. E. Stevenson —What a little treat. My mom gave these books to me for my birthday and there are so much fun. It’s a light easy read and it made me chuckle.
  • Shadow Study by Maria V. Snyder— I adore her soul finder books. I’ve been reading them for years. She builds beautiful strong women and sweeping romance. Her magic system is unique and I want to live in her world.
  • The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr and E. B. White — A must read for every writer. Thanks to Stephen King for the recommendation. It has all those little things that I had questions about and answered them quickly and succinctly. It’s not the funnest read but it’s helpful.
  • Click of Titles to go to the book's Amazon page

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Help me! Funny People Needed!

"Help me! Funny People Needed!"
Seeking funny person/persons to
help an assaulted dental hygienist.
Awesome joke needed ASAP.
Reply on blog. Cupcakes to winner.
Road Cyclist need not apply.

I'm in an infuriating endless cycle of one joke.
One joke. Over and over and over.
And each person thinks they are so stinkin funny and original. It would help if everyone else didn't laugh at them...
And then after the laughing dies down they look at me for a rebuttal and I just yell "You're stupid! Maybe you should brush you teeth! Come here I'll clean them *Enter evil laugh and Stitch hands clawing at the air*)"...
So it doesn't go well and I need help.
I need a reply so witty and clever that everyone laughs with me, shaking their heads at the other person for being such a ridiculous idiot for ever having said the joke to begin with.
No pressure or anything.

Ok so here are the details of "The Joke"

I have just been introduced to a new person/group of people.
I say my name and when asked my profession I reply that I am a dental hygienist.
Then one smart donkey says "Why is it that the dentist always tell you not to poke your teeth with sharp things when that's the first thing they do? Then they tell you your gums are bleeding. No duh you just poked me with that sharp thing."
*Enter everyone but me laughing*
This makes me so angry at it's inaccuracy! I just want to yell at them "FLOSS YOUR FRICKIN TEETH!! THEN THEY WON'T BLEED AND P.S. I CAN SMELL YOUR GINGIVITIS FROM A MILE AWAY!"
But that is not tactful in dignified society. And it doesn't make me very many friends.
So you see my conundrum. I need a response. Otherwise they think they are right! I need a zinging one-liner that leaves them with their jaw hanging open at my cleverness but they don't really understand how mean it really was.
And by the way, how does everyone know this joke and everyone not know it? I mean I have heard this joke so so so many times. And each time the audience has never heard it and laughs at the original cleverness! How can this be?!

Your assignment should you choose to accept it:
Create a reply to this:
"Why is it that the dentist always tell you not to poke your teeth with sharp things when that's the first thing they do? Then they tell you your gums are bleeding. No duh you just poked me with that sharp thing."

Please help the poor invalid who listened to Jane Eyre in the dark last night on Netflix with the screen facing the sheets because the light blinded her sensitive migraine pupils. Think of the children. Think of Christmas. Think of your birthday.


rene said...

Again, you must write a book. I laughed sooooooooo much!
And I will work on your joke zinger!!

Britt Watt said...

I've been thinking about a joke but you're the funny one now so all my powers have been stolen! So funny..... LOVE the "stitch hands"!!!!

Megan said...

thanks. But Britt & Mom I know you can do it. I am at a loss. And I need something great before the next time I hear the joke.
Unfortunately the "stitch hands" actually happened.

Jared Kirk said...

I know right? You know what the really crazy thing is? A heart attack from Gingivitis!

Jared Kirk said...

Hahaha, you know what I think is hilarious? When I make people's gums bleed profusely...

Jared Kirk said...

"I know. I think people become dentists because they like being the only people that can break the rules. (pause) Well, dentists and the 95% of the population whose gums bleed because they don't floss." HAHAHAHAHA. [The over the top laughing at the end is critical. Let's try that one out next time we're together...]

Jared Kirk said...

oooh a better one.
"I know, I think dentists like pain. (pause) Well, dentists and people who don't floss..."

Jared Kirk said...

"Because maybe the Dentist went to poke U." (hold up hands like The U.)
- Credit goes to Mark on this one

Megan said...

HAHAHAHA Jared those are awesome!!!! You are in the lead for sure!
You're the best!

Brittnee said...

I don't see what's wrong with saying 'floss your fricken teeth!" But this is coming from a girl who flips a lot of birds in rush hour and gets her car keyed on occasion.

For the record, my dentist has never advised me not to poke my teeth with sharp things. Perhaps the people telling this joke are idiots and their dentist had to make clear what to not do to their teeth.


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